Lost in Action

My heart wanted what
it wanted despite
you’re seeming to leave
and be lost to me
but you were still there
and now, don’t you see
I too have remained-
– all fidelity.

Those first months did
my life course change.
in ways I’d not believe
– your true self amid
so many revealed
and when others hid
that loving from me
your truth I’d still see…

© Andrew Wilson, 2024

Over at dVerse Poets Pub, Laura Bloomsbury in Meeting the Bar: Critique and Craft, invites us to write an Octameter for August and Sara Teasdale – it being the 8th month and the birthday of Sara Teasdale (8/8/1884). “Teasdale’s work has been characterized by its simplicity and clarity, her use of classical forms, and her passionate and romantic subject matter.” [https://poets.org/poet/sara-teasdale] and as Laura points out “Love, life, beauty and death are the hallmarks of much of Teasdale’s poetry which is unsurprising given that she lived through wartime as a young woman. Even so she avoids the maudlin in an upbeat way…”
This poem is a homage to Sara Teasdale.

Roadtrip Review No.1

If you have not been following this blog for the last month of April, I have been participating in the A-Z Challenge in which participants write alphabetically on a topic of their choosing. Writing is only half the story – with some 218 participants, the idea is to read the blogs of old friends and newcomers alike and if you don’t manage to do that during April, then the Roadtrip that follows in May is the chance to see what everybody else has been up to…

DID we write

One of the questions that the organisers ask in their prompt for the Reflections post that follows reaching the letter Z, is whether you invited or encouraged anyone else to join the challenge and though I didn’t invite, I did encourage a friend who had seen my post on day one of the challenge and who decided to participate. Some years ago, before Covid, one of my grandsons had his first gig as a rapper at a venue in Sheffield. The venue also contained some studios where various alternative medicine practitioners were offering treatment. My partner had a massage from a lady called Amber but over the intervening years, Amber has become aware that she has a DID system and that she has multiple identities and she has chosen to write about Dissociative Identity Disorder on her blog DID we write. If you know anything about DID or if you choose to read this extaordinarily brave and complex description of what it is to have DID, then you will realise how dificult a subject it is to write about.

Dissociative Identity Disorder is a response to childhood trauma – usually physical or sexual abuse whereby the child takes themselves into some part of the mind where they are disociated from what is happening to their body. The more trauma occurs and the more dissociation takes place – the more practised the child becomes and the places they take themselves may become identities in their own right and which may remain hidden in the psyche or may emerge later in life in what is known as a “system” of co-existing personalities. This is what happened to Amber and she writes as two identities, Mia and Berlou, who have created these very cogent posts to which I will refer you – for they explain it far better than I possibly can.

What I will say, is that to have DID and to write about it is extremely dificult and one of the dificulties, is that beyond Mia and Berlou, there are some “littles” who find the passion and intensity of Mia and Belou’s writing very dificult to put up with and protested to the point where Mia and Berlou had to take a break, and so their challenge has so far reached only “I” but that does not mean they are finished writing. Like marathon runners at the back of the pack, they are determined to finish the course eventually, so do not go home thinking it is all over, but visit, cheer on with comments and most of all, take the chance to understand an extraordinary, but commoner than you may think, condition…

The A-Z Blogging Challenge – A for Amber
B for Berlou
C for Change.
D for Diagnosis
E for Existing
F for Fronting and Forgetting
G for Grief
H for Healing and Hiatuses
I: Who is the ‘I’ in DID? 

There will be more posts, both from Mia Berlou but also form myself as I do the Roadtrip, but I wanted to dedicate this first Review exclusively to an extraordiary Challenge…

We Hold to the Faith

My Love broke apart
But not so my heart
I hold to the faith
For life until death

In childhood she was used
A mother who gave food
But not much more than that
A father who was crap.

Insecure attachment made Her
Vulnerable to a bastard
Who twisted her need for more love
And broke it with seduction rough.

A minefield lies under the surface
Randomly exploding all her grace
Wrecking relationships all the time
Dragging her hope down into the grime.

But she is a tough warrior
Who strives to heal still further
Though latterly the magnitude
Of shame keeps her in solitude.

Unpicking wounds to her heart
Struggling to discourse with parts
Who would have her do nothing
And flinch at telephone’s ring.

It is hard to stay up
To mind self or even sup
So locked away from all
Nowhere further to fall.

My Love broke apart
But not so our hearts
We hold to the faith
For life denies death.

© Andrew Wilson, 2023

Written for dVerse – Poets Pub – MTB: When ‘We’ writes poetry, posted by  Laura Bloomsbury of Meeting the Bar: Critique and Craft
The challenge was:

  • We as a pair, a couple (not a group)
  • It can be any real or imaginary friendship
  • It might be a significant other, a relative or a pet
  • But the poem’s stanzas MUST BE WRITTEN AS COUPLETS
  • A MINIMUM OF THREE stanzas (preferably more)
  • There are several types of couplets to choose from (see here for definitions)