When my mother died
I did not succumb to grief
rather the opposite, it was relief
I wanted to be overwhelmed
to demonstrate a filial flow of tears
dry eyes triumphed over social fears
The truth is her life was set in aspic
the repertoire of stories repeatedly told
the only objects I would have valued, long ago sold
So if I imagine that feeling as a place
it is a saccharine sitting room
as stuck and unchanging as a tomb
I carried bits of it away to remind me
a group of disparate ducks now grace my bookshelf
tiny, sculptural memento mori – notes to self
that she was gone and feeling ended
long before the final breath was drawn
and being now the eldest, I entered a new dawn…
© Andrew Wilson, 2024
Over at dVerse Poets Pub, Punam invites us to write about Grief – paeansunplugged in Poetics. My poem is about grief long dissolved before the loss itself and I hope I will not be judged harshly for it…
I love the title, Andrew. Sometimes we do forget it. Why should you be judged harshly for the way you reacted to your mom’s passing away. There is always a story behind a poem.
I love your use of ‘set in aspic’ and ‘ saccharine sitting room’.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Punam, sometimes a life just runs out of any forward motion and after my Dad died, that was my Mother…
You are welcome, Andrew. I know what you mean. I have seen my aunt after the death of her husband and it was like you describe .
HI Andrew, I can relate to this poem. A feeling of relief at someone’s passing. People can become very unhappy and difficult as they age. Maybe it is because they have regrets or because they have constant pain. I’m not sure, but I hope I will never be like that.
It was not so much unhappiness as vacancy, Robbie, but I too hope I never become as you describe…
Like Robbie, I can also relate, and I love how you have given yourself grace about it. The ducks are there to honor, perhaps, but also to remind, and echo what Robbie has said about not wanting to ever be like that. This is a powerful poem.
Thank you Kim, and I do have great affection for the ducks…
Oh my! I had the very same feelings at my own mother’s passing. There’s no understanding why she held on so long. Perhaps hope really does spring eternal.
Thank you, Kay, I thought my lack of breast rending was unusual but it seems to have struck a chord for which I am relieved…
Honest and true to hearts that have felt like yours, Andrew. Time doesn’t always measure the moment of a relationship’s death and its attendant grief. Written with poetic acuity and force.
Thank you so much Dora, I have been much reassured by the kind comments of everyone…
Yes, she went long before she went in so many ways. In that it robs us of the grief at the time of physical departure. I’m in that space right now. This speaks loudly to my experience.
So sorry to hear that Paul – glad it helped…
No judgment here. When my mother dies, I’ll be relieved I think.